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Getting rejected by the herd has been one of the most positive influences in my life.
I previously wrote about overcoming a battle with depression during my middle and high school years. The quick version of the story is that I took ADHD medicine, it zapped my personality, and within months I lost all of my friends.
At the time, the only thing that I wanted was to be liked and accepted by others. But I was rejected by the herd and I didn’t have many friends during those years.
The experience broke me. And high school was a tough and lonely time.
But through the process of being broken and being forced to re-build who I am, it helped me to build a very strong sense of self and it made me into a stronger person.
And as a result of spending time independently, I learned to think independently, unencumbered by the thoughts and opinions of the herd.
If you’re in a similar type of situation where you’ve been rejected by the herd, take advantage of the opportunity to cultivate your relationship with yourself and to learn to think freely.
And understand that you only have two long-term options: view the situation negatively, or positively.
In the moment, accepting that there’s a long-term benefit may not lessen the short-term pain.
But on a macro level, it’s important to recognize that all experiences (good or bad) are ultimately a net positive and help develop you into the person that you’re supposed to become.
Note: one key add on to this post is that if you’re unhappy with the herd that you’re surrounded by, make a change! You always have the option to switch cities, schools, jobs, etc.
Changing communities is one of the easiest ways to reset and become significantly happier.
Related reading: Why solo traveling is one of the best ways to press the reset button in life
You can watch the full video of this here:
I agree with this post up to the point where you suggest changing herds. This doesn’t work. The reason we give ourselves the challenge of being rejected by the herd–and this is a simulation that you have set up, so take responsibility for it–is so that we will learn to stop seeking the approval of others and will turn within ourselves. Happiness is within and it has always been there. It doesn’t come from external things such as approval, control or security. The herd can never bring us happiness, because when it is our time to die, the herd is going to wander away from us and forget us, and we know it. We need to realize that we are not animals; we are not bodies. We are limitless eternal beings who have trapped ourselves in a limited mind and body and we spend lifetime after lifetime seeking happiness without, thinking that it lies in “survival.” How many times do we have to put ourselves through these challenges before we let go of being limited?
Hi Diana! Thanks for taking the time to read my post and write a thoughtful comment. I respectfully disagree with the notion that changing herds isn’t effective. I’m mostly a fan of leaving herds altogether until you develop a better relationship with yourself and own your happiness but I think changing herds can also be helpful.
As a general thought, I think it’s overly simplistic to say that something absolutely doesn’t work because almost nothing is absolute.
I also don’t think that accepting that happiness is internal and changing herds to escape a situation that’s making you unhappy are mutually exclusive.
I wrote about changing herds here: https://www.freedomiseverything.com/the-six-key-lessons-i-learned-from-conquering-depression/
And I’ve written about owning happiness here: https://www.freedomiseverything.com/our-reality-is-in-our-minds/